Throwing glitter

Ever feel like you’ve lost yourself? One minute you’re on this path of strength and slowly you start to drift, not even realizing you’re crossing into the shoulder, even though it’s getting bumpy, and somewhere along the path it’s changed. You don’t even remember when or how, but here you are, lost. Your surroundings are familiar, but you no longer recognize who you are. That’s were I am. Lost. In the middle of a path. I know it’s still me because I feel it, but I’m trapped inside screaming for someone to let me out. But the problem is only I can open that door. The handle is hot every time I try. Or at least it was…

I realized months ago I was not okay, not myself. Just a girl going through the same motions every day. Hit snooze twice, getting up, get ready, pack my lunch, say goodbyes, head to work, work, head home, sit on the couch, eat dinner, watch the same shit, get ready for bed, and goodnight. I wasn’t enjoying much. I think around my birthday is when I noticed I was not okay.

I normally like to reflect on the previous year instead of making a resolution. Seeing what I can change or work on. This year I didn’t. I entered 2024 with fake smiles, fake happiness in hopes it would help me. My 40^th… I had been so excited for this day, months and months prior, but the day came and fake happiness. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed everything about the day, but it was just another day and that’s not how I envisioned it. Something was wrong and this is when my insides started screaming.

I decided I was going to celebrate all month in hopes it would help me, then I decided I’d celebrate whenever I damn well pleased this year, because I deserve it. And suddenly I was grabbing that door handle, not caring as it burned my hand, opening the door…

I opened it just a little peering into what felt like familiar waters. A bit choppy as I started to find my footing again. Slowly the door opened some more and a little more. This is when I decided I was going to bring myself back bursting through that door like the Kool-Aid dude. BOOM!! Here I am. Attitude and all. Take it or leave it.

I lost myself. I somehow went down a path I knew, but slowly wandered into darkness. I didn’t like what I was seeing or feeling. It hasn’t been easy, but I know it’s worth it. I miss seeing that woman who was shining in confidence full of glitter, love, and smiles. Am I fully back? No, but I opened the door to me again.

Smile bitches because I’m about to throw glitter everywhere!!

Sunshine, sparkles, and mother fucking unicorn poop.