Just a line

There comes a time in life when you realize you will always be just a line in a paragraph in someone else’s chapter. Or maybe you will actually be a whole paragraph, or maybe you were a whole chapter. This got me thinking. I do a lot of thinking. When I start to think sometimes I drive myself insane, I spin in circles, mentally in overdrive flying over speed bumps landing hard and giving myself whiplash. Stupid girl! Yes, I just called myself stupid, because that is what I am when I allow myself to spin in my own crazy thoughts. I know I am not the only one that spins crazy when thoughts get overwhelming.

I started writing this a few weeks ago and again I hated where it was going so I left it alone. I seem to be doing that I a lot. But I have a vision. I know what I want to write and what I do not. So, I let this sit here until I was ready to come back to it. I am still not sure I am ready to finish this piece, but for some reason here I sit typing away random nonsense that is filling my head hoping something will come of this.

Over the last several weeks I have realized many things that I think I just pushed aside for long periods of time, because I was not ready to face them. This is how this entry started. Maybe I was still afraid to face a few things when I started this, but I have decided that I can no longer live in fear. If I constantly walk around hiding and living in the shadows I will never allow myself to fully live. I want to live life to its fullest. I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, the wind chill me to my bones, I want to run in the rain, and breathe in the fresh smells of the seasons changing. I cannot do this if I hide from everything.

I do not want to be some line in someone else’s paragraph or chapter. I want to make my own story, my own path, when there is a fork in the road I want to be able to say I decided to take this path, because of blah blah blah and if you want to judge look in the mirror first. The only way I can do this is by allowing myself to stop hiding, to create my own story, and to welcome change.

Haters are going to hate. People are not going to like what I have to say. I must be okay with this. I am getting ready to share my blog on my social media pages with my family and friends that have no idea this exists. I am nervous, scared, but again I need to stop living in the shadows and embrace who I truly am. This is me. I am a writer. I am a powerful beautiful mother, woman, and just a down to earth girl who wants to live life to the fullest and stop letting everyone dictate how I live. I want to show my kids to live life and not be afraid of what anyone thinks of you. Everyone judges. It is in our nature. But it is up to everyone to choose how they handle the judgement. I have decided I will face it head on, and no longer be afraid. I am living for myself and my family. I need to be strong for us. I need to be true to who I am, own who I am, and show my children this. I want to be a great role model and I certainly do not want to settle to be just a line in a paragraph in someone else’s chapter. That is not who I am.

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This is me

Seriously, I have no idea why I do not wrap myself in bubble wrap and call it good. I am a walking accident. I am not even sure if that is the right word anymore.

Hello! I am Heather! Welcome to my blog. This blog is about my everyday life. I find it interesting, funny and well sometimes just like WTF did that really just happen? This shit cannot be made up!! Yes, I will use profanity, texting acronyms, maybe even an emoji here and there; so, I am warning you now if you get offended easily stop reading. I do not have much of a filter once I get going. I will do my best to advise on entries that need warning…no promises guaranteed.

As a mom of three I am always on the go. My life is busy. My son is 14, a freshman in high school, and is already talking about what college he wants to go to and when he is going to apply. Yay!!! I did something right! Lol. When I was a freshman I was counting down the days until I turned 18 and could move out! My son is very motivated and ambitious. I am extremely proud of him and the maturity he has shown lately. My 12-year-old daughter is an animal lover and dreams about becoming a veterinarian. If she could bring home every stray animal, she would. I love her caring character. My 8-year-old diva daughter is one animated character for sure. She is full of sass, keeps me on my toes and is super girly. She is currently attempting to grow her hair out like Rapunzel…oh my. Even though she is full of attitude she can make anyone smile.

I am a 911 dispatcher. Most of the time at work I am a black cloud. I like to think my cloud rains glitter just to keep it slightly happy…positive thoughts equal positivity…maybe? I love my job. I can honestly say that even on the worst darkest evilest day at work I still walk out of the building wanting to go back the next day. Even when I am sicker than sick I still would rather be at work than curled up on my couch or in bed. Maybe I am sick in the head? Eh oh well.

As if I do not already have enough on my plate. I felt I needed to add more to it, because why not. I decided to go back to school full time. Yay! Go me! I have dreams, goals, places and plans I want to see and fulfill. I want to show my children that you can reach your goals no matter your age. Age is just a number after all; when it comes to certain things.

My life is busy and crazy, but it is mine. I am living it the way I want to, not how everyone else wants me too. I changed way too many times for way too many people. Welcome to the crazy…remember you have been warned. 😊