no straight lines

Sometimes I just start typing and the words just flow. I literally have no clue where the words will take me, but I end up creating a messy masterpiece that I enjoy reading and sharing. Sometimes my writing even gives me an insight as to what is bothering me or even helps me organize the jumbled mess of thoughts rolling around inside my head; my thoughts are like my conversations…lol. Too many at once.

Like right now I have these thoughts, these words, all these different things I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs…BUT I can’t…why?? Well, first of all I STILL SOUND LIKE A FUCKING MOUSE and can’t yell, I can hardly fucking talk, and second, because I am too fucking adult…ugh why must I be mature at times? BAHAHA…OH that’s right, because I am 37 and decided growing up was the smart thing to do. So instead I sit here typing on my laptop, hearing the clicking on my keys, the silence from my mousy voice, even though I am screaming from the inside, laughing at my childish thoughts as I act adult…

Adulting fucking sucks sometimes. I would never want to go back to being a kid or teen, but fuck, there are times when I just want to be so juvenile. I guess that is why we drink, party, get shit faced at times as adults, those are our juvenile moments. Those are the moments we can act like complete idiots and be immature dumb fucks as long as we don’t take it too far, right? I mean who doesn’t like to lean over the trash can or toilet every now and again vomiting up their guts like they did as a teenager or go to bed with the room spinning like a carnival ride, and not to mention the morning after hangover…the greasy ass breakfast with the Bloody Mary or Mimosa. For sure worth all of it, right?? Just don’t forget to hydrate and you’ll be all good…hehe.

And what about the bills, chores, and the responsibilities…fuck a duck. Like seriously. Who told us being an adult was fun? Oh wait, I was told to slow down, you don’t want to grow up too fast, and in all seriousness, I couldn’t wait to be a “grown-up”. WTF was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn’t.

And now with mini me’s of my own it’s like do you give them the same advice, “slow the fuck down, adulting sucks ass, and life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!!” LOL…nope, you hope that you have taught them well enough that they will be able to survive this “adulting” shit and that you did the best you can, lol, just kidding. But seriously, my kids, they are close to being on their own, well at least one, the other two are getting closer, and all I can do is hope that I can teach them to slow down just a little and enjoy their teenage years without giving me too many more gray hairs, because seriously getting those things covered cost a shit ton. I should start making them pay for my salon visits…hmmmm…HAHAHA!!!

Sometimes adulting can suck, but sometimes it can be tons of fun. It just depends on how you look at it and what you are doing at the moment. Deciding to grow up was the best decision I could have made and I know that. When I want to scream, shout, and say the things that I know I should not say I call my bestie and we have laughs, lots of them, and sometimes we laugh so much we cry. But right now, without my voice these conversations are difficult and that fucking sucks donkey balls. So, for now I write…

Sunshine and mother fucking sparkles.

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